by Blaine Beyer
“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” - John 10:10
Do you ever feel like the world is out to get you? Something continually steals your joy. Something threatens to kill your spirit. Something wants you to feel destroyed.
What happens when you realize that enemy is you? What happens when the person looking back in the mirror is responsible for your suffering?
One year ago, I left my job as a television news producer. I worked for almost 7 years in several different local news stations. Working as a journalist in local news is a grueling and often thankless job. On any given day, you encounter murder cases, accused child molesters, corrupt politicians, or angry viewers. It felt like a constant mental, emotional, and spiritual beating. I know a journalist’s primary job is to inform the public. However, I couldn’t shake the thought of exploiting other peoples’ tragedy and pain for the sake of a headline. I wanted out.
One year ago, I was heavily struggling with several personal demons, some that I'm still battling against to this day. I saw no value in my life. I became very good at going through the motions. For a little over a decade, I felt very lost. There were many times that I would be furious with God. For what purpose was I still existing? I didn't understand why God would create a person like me. Shame, disgust, and embarrassment don't even begin to describe the way I felt about myself.
One year ago, I begged God for a change. I begged God to see me out of this mess I felt I'd created. In anger and desperation, I prayed, "Show me a way out of this."
One year ago, a dear friend of mine called me. She asked me how I felt about working in a church. Thinking back to my pleaful prayer, I thought, "God, are you crazy?! A church?!" I didn't believe I was worthy of darkening the door of a church, much less working for one. However, by what I can only describe as Divine intervention and blind faith (tinier than a mustard seed, I might add), I timidly sent my resume to the Church of the Heavenly Rest, and by the incredible grace of God, this Church welcomed me, exactly as I was.
One year later, I've been blessed beyond measure. Working with the incredible people in this parish has given me a renewed sense of purpose. I have found grace, mercy, unconditional love, and hope. Being here has ultimately saved my life and healed my soul. And with that healing, I’ve realized God will use you if you come as you are.
One year later, God continues to show me how to grow while in service to others. Learning to put God's will before my own has become my new focus. Not every day is easy, but I know God can use me if I’m willing to show up.
God and this Church have shown me life, abundantly.